Do men still want to have sex when they have erectile dysfunction?

by Ann C
(CA)

Just wondering. Is there anything I can do? We are both young, in our thirties???

Tibor's reply:

The answers in most cases is YES!
If a man has ED it doesn't mean he has no desire for sex.

It is of upmost importance to realize (for women) that men still feel great sensation even though they do not have an erection.

The problem here will be that a man will have feeling of failure; not able to satisfy his lover.
This will manifest in sex withdrawal or more stress resulting in even less erections.

Communications will become difficult for a simple reason: no man likes to admit he has a problem in sex department.
There are endless cases women feel helpless because they partners do not show interest and they avoid having sex completely.
They suspect their partners of being gay or unfaithful. In many cases they even interpret it as they themselves are not attractive any more.

The subject is sensitive and the best way is to seek medical advice and counselling to determine the cause.
Also, there are excellent articles how to increase libido for both women and men.

Recommended pages: Libido, Male Erection

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HELPER OF ALL HELPER
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severe ed
by: Anonymous

I will write my problem and hope you'd answer me, i a in my late 30's and epileptic for more than 20 years, I've been using couple of medicines for my epilepsy for more than 20 years. And because of that I've severe ed, i am married and i have no possibility of ever recovering from my ed because i have tried so many medicines that i can't even remember the names but they don't work on me at all. I am married and you can imagine what sorta hard situation my wife would go through she ain't living with me, finally, for past months. For these major reasons, and i can imagine no woman would neva eva deal with such situation. I should mention that my body movement is less meaning i work as computer based work mostly and coz of that I've to sit on chair a lot so there is literally very few body movement or blood flow and often doc. when have prescribed any medicines to me (knowing my situation) said to increase the body movement for proper blood flow around the day, so when you are in your private movements with your wife it would help, but i am unable to do that because of the nature of computer based-job I've, and since it pays a handsome amount of bucks to me so i don't know if i can leave my job in any soon. I don't know what to do for now as i am sick and tired of my situation and i would be thankful for your reply and some kinda help.

Try?
by: Anonymous

Reply (to anonymous 55):

At that age it is possible there are problems with erection. In that case he has to see a doctor and get Viagra or a similar product. I know, it is a ‘macho’ subject. However, age is age.
It may happen after a while he will lose his inhibition (if there is a psychological problem to it). Then he simply may stop using prescription drugs.

There are some better news as well. Again, it is not sure if it will work or not.

When a man gets older his ability to have an erection will decrease with his age. When teenager, a simple thought of a woman triggers ‘unwanted erections’. Believe it or not teens often complain about having random erections. They do not realize there will come a day when they will pray for it.

Try this (once he is comfortable having sex with you; that is I would recommend Viagra or similar product to help at the beginning):

Make love to him. Do not allow him to do a thing. Physically keep stimulating his penis. Simply do not give up. Even if you have to make him a bit tipsy in order to release his tension and nervousness.
This, of course, will depend on your will. You do it if you want to see a change. E.g. try performing oral for half an hour or more. Do not let him to escape. The desired effect should manifest.

You are a woman and you know what is the best. This is only what I know have worked for others. It may be different in your case. But unless you try you will never know. And give it some time.
If it does not happen for the first time it may be the next or the fifth time. Do not give up.

It is nice to hear you are in a great relationship and we all wish you well.

Dating a man with ED
by: Anonymous

I am 55 and have been dating a 63 yr. old man who is one of the nicest people I have ever met. He had no problem opening up to me about many things and we always have a great time going out or even just hanging out.

He has been married twice and the last one was not a healthy relationship. He said that sex with her became like a job for him and soon he had no desire for her and could not get it up. After the divorce he tried dating and found that he still was unable to achieve an erection and the fear of it happening soon kept him from dating so quite a few years passed.

Then we met and became really good friends which was great but then he kissed me and has continued to do so it sort of elevated it beyond just friends. I was OK with that as I do like him a lot. However I soon noticed that he seemed rather nervous and uncomfortable when we were alone and he never tried to make a move on me. I knew some things about his last marriage so I thought I will just give it time and see where it goes.

I do flirt with him and he is aware that I am open to taking the relationship further. Yet often his response is to laugh and make jokes which made me realize he was afraid. More than once when we have been together I sense him wanting to take it further but then he backs off or suddenly says he is tired and should go home and because I do not believe anyone should be forced to do something they do not want to do I let it go.

Last night he opened up to me and told me about his 2nd marriage and how since then he has had an ED issue so is terrified of even trying to have sex. He wanted me to know that it has nothing to do with me and as a matter of fact he feels safe with me and might want to explore that issue and see if he can get past that fear and actually have an erection. He said he has no confidence right now and that stops him from going any further then kissing me.

I do understand his issues yet feel now age and health probably play into that too as well as the saying use it or lose it.

I am a person that likes to live in the moment and while I do love intercourse I also love all the foreplay and do not feel that orgasm always has to be the end result as the joy in touch and exploring another person’s body has many pleasures too. I told him this and I think he still fears that if we try he will fail and he will lose not just me but the friendship we have, so how do I get him past that?

While I have had some really great lovers I have only had such a great male friendship once before and I love having a guy that opens up to me and also listens to me and cares so deeply about me. I have been through hell the past 8 years and feel blessed to have started a new life and have this man be a part of it but yes I do miss having more physical contact.


My Husband has ED is 40 and I feel undesired
by: Anonymous

My husband has ED and he had low test levels, but he went to the dr. and is now giving himself shots.

For the past 5 years we have been dealing with his ED and he will take something to help his erections, but it’s just gotten worse and worse.

Now we have sex maybe every two months and before I would get upset that he didn't want to have sex at the same times that I did, and now I just completely ignore the subject and never bring it up. We have went to counselling and he explained that it makes him very nervous because he cannot always keep his erection and I guess it’s all he thinks about while we are having sex.

The last couple of times we have been together it was in the middle of the night and a total surprise instead of having to plan everything around his pill.

I enjoyed being with him those last two times then all the times put together since he started to have to take his pill because it was like it used to be ...what I explained to him in counselling was that I can't even flirt with my own husband and we never kiss passionately anymore and I can't do that with other men because I am married.

It’s not even about the sex or if his erection is where he thinks it should be.. I get no affection anymore or fun flirting because he is afraid it will lead to something and then he can't perform.

Now my Mother in law passed away from cancer and he told me the other night that he doesn't know how long it will take him to get over this and he won't be in the mood... I never even brought up having sex and have not for months... but now he is using his mother passing but the problem was there well before all of this happened.

I really don't know what to think anymore or what to do...being in a sexless marriage is very hard...I am attractive and could find someone else I am sure, but I love my husband and I know he loves me too....just hanging in there and least he has gone to dr's to try and figure out what is going on....

Latest thing mentioned was his cortisol levels and probably depression...I know I am not the only one in the world dealing with this but none of my girlfriends have this problem and in fact say they wish there husbands would leave them alone...be careful what you wish for....I guess we will see what the dr comes up with...if something works I will let everyone know....thanks.

Reply:

Sorry for interfering. Just try to go to your doctor and get him prescribed Dostinex. I have no clue where you live, it might be an expensive option and also may have side effects.
In case he gets it he should get high dose tablets which he needs to cut to smaller pieces (works out cheaper).

This is a serious medication and its side effects are prolonged erections. Most of all it increases DESIRE. And that is what you both need. It is up to you what decision you take. I just happen to know it works.

Google for additional information on subject.

Husband the same way
by: Anonymous

Husband who is 70 refuses to take the ed pills for fear it will make him blind putting me in a sexless marriage.Will not seek counseling - after all, what can counseling do for ED.U could be the hotty of the town and if your husband has ED it's not going to matter.

afarid to try sex
by: Anonymous

back to the repiy i got!his testome level are in the 600 ranch!we have not tried to have sex after the trup surgey have to wait a 2 or 3 weaks to see how it will work he is afarid i think to try say he not sure yet about trying the vigria!but the neighbor thing sure made it hard on both of us-we are talking more and listeing to one another***my ? should i push a little to see if he can get a hard on !!afarid thanks

my husband with ed
by: Anonymousjane

Me and my husband have been together 29 years, but a few months ago l found out he been playing around with my friend and neighbour.

When i ask when why; said maybe a new look would help with his ED, he said no penetration with her.
Now we find out he had a enlarge prostate and had the turp surgery still he has no feelings to have sex and his testosterone are in the 6.00 range, so now what. Help me understand oh and he is 66 and i 64 thanks

Reply:

Doctor. He needs either testosterone patches or better testosterone gel.
The story with neighbour is a nice excuse.
At that age he has to look after himself well if he wants to perform.


How to Increase Testosterone Naturally (opens new window)

Dating a man with ed
by: Anonymous

I have been dating a 45 yr. old man with has ED due to high blood pressure meds for 2 yrs. i did not know he suffered from it until 6 months in and had fallen in love with him.

I can deal with the no intercourse but i would think a man with that would do either things to satisfy me.

Nope. I always initiate and take care of him n he barely reciprocates. I am 37 i work out i can meet someone else but already love him.
He’s a good guy good to my kids. I’m very confused. Am i wasting my time?

Reply:

To my opinion, yes, you are wasting your time. But that is the answer from someone with higher libido…

See, ED is bad enough. But is he doesn’t want to do other things, that is, he is low in libido. Some people have it high while others low.
And it requires a good match in order to keep happy.

From your comment one can see you are on the higher end of the scale. The fact you work out means you care a lot about your image and sex is an important part of your life.

Your man is good no doubt about it. The question is: are you prepared to have sexless life till you live?
I strongly doubt.

Longer you let things go stronger your attachment will be. And departing will hurt much more.
But that is from my perspective. You might see things in a different light.
Nobody can tell you what to do. Only you know that.

At 45 it is not only due to high blood pressure. Testosterone is declining and it will go for much worse.
He could see a doctor and discuss the possibilities. One of them would be testosterone cream.

This all depends on how much he wants you.

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Issues ED causes with woman
by: Anonymous

My husband is 34 and my issue is that he doesn't seem to be interested in me at all.

I am trying to figure out if his emotions are tied to testosterone.

My husband is a great friend and father but does not seem to know how to make me happy. I have really tried with him and I end up so frustrated. My husband seems to have a hard time connecting to me lovingly it's not just about how infrequently we have sex, I miss being cared about.

My husband says he loves me but he refuses to get any help.

You read all these articles about standing by your man, but you can do that all day long and still fill like your glass is empty at the end of every day. Relationships are very much about give and take and unless you put yourself on the back burner that's the only way to deal with this issue.

As a mother you tend to do that anyway with your kids, which is why you really need that extra support system. My advice to any man reading this would be if you love your wife, as hard it is to go to a doctor for you; it's that much harder for your wife not to have you around and be that support that she needs.

Life is already tough enough so as understanding as woman are to be with ED; you should try to understand as well.


Tibor's reply:

Hm. Tough situation. How long this is going on? Was it very different when you got married?
How would you rate his sex drive when you met?

This is quite important to know for a reason. If it is his health or if there are other issues.

At 34 it is very unlikely it would be decreased libido. It may be related to relationship.
Some persons just get 'used to it'. Take everything for granted. They'll get comfortable.

Only love may solve this.
If he loves you he will be prepared to do necessary adjustments. We men don't do it unless we feel 'pressure'.

If it is a problem of a sexual matter he should visit a medical practitioner. There are many ways how to get help.
Or; you might decide to see counsellor.

Of course, he will resist. You also don't want to go into extremes.

However, there is one thing to remember: you have a problem.
No matter what you do; you are simply not happy. And this will never improve or change for better, it only can get worse. Unless you will do something about it.

Sooner you do it, better for both of you. It is in interest of your marriage. You don't want to deteriorate it further beyond the point of 'no repair'.

Explain your husband how much you love him. How important it is to get his affection and love. He might has a health issue which he doesn't want to share with you.

It is quite simple to increase libido if that is the case. You find articles on it on this website.
However, it is more important you both make a right choice and decision.

If you are not able to resolve this situation you will need to approach a professional.

In any case I wish you good outcome.
Tibor


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