Feeling guilty in a relationship

by R K
(Poona, India)

For about three years I had a live in relationship. My job took me to a new city. It was about 34 months stay.

I had an apartment to myself. I was really lonely whenever I was in my apartment. In one of the conferences that I had then attended, I met a lady, who was ten years younger to me, who like me, due to job requirements had moved into the city recently and was staying alone without her husband.

She too was lonely and yearned for companionship. The chemistry worked between us and soon she moved into my apartment- no strings attached.

After about two weeks of staying together, the inevitable happened and from then on she shared the bed with me. At times I would feel guilty that I was cheating on my wife but then she used to console me that it was only our physical needs and there were no strings attached. Our emotional and physical needs were met and both of us enjoyed the live in relationship.

We both parted on a happy note, she extracting a promise from me that I should stay with her whenever I am in that city for short visits. Now I am back with my wife again, I have started feeling guilty. This is because instead of checking into a hotel, I go and stay with that lady, whenever I am in that city.

Reply:

You are looking for an excuse – approval. Marriage is marriage.

However, things happen. It is important to know what you want and need. If this is what you want you need to learn to live with it.

Unless you want to keep guilty all your life you need to learn to relax about it.
Now, don’t take me wrong. I’m not advising you what you should or shouldn’t do. You already
cheated.

What is important is how you love your wife. You can’t have the creeping thoughts coming up to your mind. That would hurt relationship with your wife.
Just be good to everyone and respect everyone.

When it comes to ‘cheating’ there are many different opinions and rules on it, depending on culture.
It is like with religion. Which is right? Everybody thinks he’s the one who is in right.

In reality there is no right or wrong. Make sure your wife and everyone around you is happy.
And that includes yourself.

Enjoy your life. Don’t look for excuses.

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