Is it Lust Or Love?

by Ms.HopelesslyDevoted

I used to date this guy for a year, but we have been best friends for 3 years , and I had to move so I decided to keep the relationship going which means long distance , anyways as I got to Florida I realized the pain was eating me alive of not seeing my baby or anything.

Talking on the phone didn’t really help so I decided to break up with him and go out with some other guy I barely knew (stupid I know). Then after he broke up with me for some chick in Arizona.. go figure.. I wanted to get back together with my ex. I didn’t care if it was long distance anymore, I loved him and still had feelings for him.. anyways I called him up and we settled our differences.

But it turns out he was dating some other chick I never liked that lives in N.C, f****** stupid... so we decided to stay as friends and remain at that. Well one night we were having a great convo and the clock turns to midnight.. he says "I’m horny." and I’m like okay I can’t help you with that anymore..

(We have had sex already before a lot of times) and he’s like come on Kay, just have phone sex with me and I’m like no you got a girlfriend screw you and he’s like; well she’s all innocent but not like you.. and I’m just like well if u want to have phone sex sooo bad why don’t u just break up with the stupid bitch already?

Ever since then, we talk and he sometimes brings up that he is horny and he wants pics and shit.. I try to change the topic.. And I still love him you know and I would drop everything if he broke up with that ugly stupid bitch..

They will NEVER see each other.. But I have WAYS to manage to see him.. She doesn’t.. But he tells me he still has feelings for me.. but he never says I love you.. It’s always goodnight Kay or bye bye .. and I feel like the rebound ... he’s like if me and her don’t work out , I will definitely take you back.

He also said for me to wait or don’t... but he thinks ill make a stupid mistake if I don’t wait .. Is he just lusting over me?

Tibor’s Reply:

He is lusting over you but it is very likely there is much more to it.
He wants you but you are not available. So he found a ‘replacement’. From what I’ve read he is more interested in you then he is prepared to admit.

Guys are more sexually oriented. They need masturbation, sex... simply have orgasms to satisfy their sexual hunger. And that desire can be very strong.

Phone sex will assist him to get off more often. That in turn will result in less interest in other girls.

You have to ask yourself a question. What do I want from this guy? If you want to have an ongoing relationship you need to live close. Distance relationship obviously won’t work.

For you, two, moving closer requires a certain amount of commitment.
None of you will do it unless there is love and mutual understanding. That requires dropping any other b/f’s - g/f’s. No questions asked.

Perhaps you visit each other and you will be honest about it.
It is clear you want him. And it is very likely he feels same. It is important not to play games (especially in his case, he should show love instead of being a ‘show-off’). If he is not prepared to do that you need to forget him.
He will regret it most likely.

It is very likely he feels he can get away with it. He needs to come down from clouds and treat you with respect. On same level. You showed him your love. He should treasure it.

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship Advice.