young son around 19 runs his mothers house

by Carl Jackson
(Cherryhill. nj)

I have a girlfriend who son doesn’t work and brings his girlfriend in the house and stays the night. I think he is disrespectful to his mother and she does not help the situation by letting her son's girlfriend stay over. What do I do as the boyfriend?

Reply:

When we date a woman; or get into a relationship with her, we are ‘taking up’ the whole package.
You should not start a relationship with a woman if you have any issues with her or her arrangements.

I know it’s harsh to say but mothers love their children unconditionally. No matter what happens she will be always behind her son.
At 19 it is still ok to be at home with her. At this age he has his personal life and having a girlfriend is normal.

He is an adult and there is nothing wrong or strange they are sleeping together.

The problem can be if he stays with her mom for too long. He should be actively seeking work and moving out.
A good arrangement would be if gets a work and his mom to ask him to pay rental. After 6 months or so she can tell him he’s got another half a year to move out on his own.

She would save the rental money and gave it back to him once he is moving.
That will give him a good start.
If he’s got a girlfriend it should be in their interest to have privacy and home of their own.

You need to discuss this with your partner and take necessary steps. Slowly, so everybody is happy.
Your girlfriend wouldn’t want to have her son there when he is 25.
Love is not about allowing doing anything what he wants to.

Her son needs to learn to be self sufficient. However, 19 is too early for many boys.
Talk about it; mother should give him (let’s say) two year plan to do something about his situation.
Work wise, there is no apology for not working. He should actively seek it and do something in his life.
You have no option but wait till the situation clears.

The problem is not in sleeping with his girlfriend. It is about not working. Once you solve the problem with work then he can go on his own.

Second option is to find another woman.

Life is not simple.

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Relationship Advice.