I wanted to write to the gentleman who wrote the article about labiaplasty, and advising women not to do it. I wanted to thank you for writing a positive article on the subject.
I do, however, disagree with some of your comments. I know for a fact that men DO discuss female parts in great detail. I am 29 years old and until I was 27 I had no concept that I had some kind of "problem". I simply enjoyed myself and sex. I had no discomfort. When I was 27 my partner at the time asked me how many men I had been with, because to him my labia looked stretched out?? Of course I realized how untactful and idiotic this comment was, but it planted a seed in me. I started researching this issue and comparing. Since then I have heard bigger labia to referred to by numerous vulgar names. (The most offensive were "I like guts to be on the inside" and "flesh lettuce")I know for a fact that most men prefer the labia to be small. I have many guy friends and have quizzed them all on the subject without them knowing what I looked like. The consensus is that opinions range from not caring to disliking it.
I also think the woman in the video you posted probably benefited from the procedure. I don't look nearly as bad as her "before".
I don't know that I would look better if I had this done, and I don't want to cut myself. I have never had confidence or appearance issues before, but this is really getting to me. Unfortunately I don't know how to be happy about the way I look anymore.
It is so hard out there for women to feel beautiful. I find it comical that men complain about women being so insecure when they are the ones who cause and contribute to these issues. They are the ones who leer at plastic boobs and bleached hair and make comments like I have mentioned above.
I'd be glad to hear any kind or encouraging words on the subject. Thanks again for writing the article.
Tibor's Reply
Hi “name withheld”,
Thanks for comments. People are different in nature. ‘...until I was 27 I had no concept that I had some kind of "problem".’ This actually indicates you had great time until you met someone who told you else. One person had changed it all! Yes. It seems it was not what he likes. True.
But what about all those other men you had before?
There are also men who don’t like it when it is ‘too little down there’.
And it is same with women. They have preferences for different sizes and shapes of penises.
What is good for one it is not good for another. Some make a man feel miserable as well. It all relates to personality.
Guys often show off. They love to exaggerate in presence of others. That’s where the vulgar names are born. It is one of the ways to be funny and popular among others.
You can’t be loved by all men on this planet. And you also don’t want to make love to all. You chose. When you come across someone who is not what you imagined for, you move on.
Sometimes these moves don’t happen without unnecessary words that hurt.
And this is what can create lots of pain. I don’t know the statistics. I don’t believe any survey had been done, yet. So we have no figures what percentage prefers larger or smaller labia’s.
However, there are preferences. You simply can’t please both crowds at the same time. Unless you are prepared to change your labia anytime you have a new partner, just to please him.
There are some women who can benefit from surgery. However, many times it is only a matter of the ‘current trend’; or; some stupid comment from someone who does not deserve any consideration.
You were perfectly happy before. It indicates there is nothing wrong with you. If I was you and I had a similar situation I would see a gynaecologist and ask his/her opinion. (In case I could not get the subject out of my mind).
You have no reason not to feel happy and confident as you always were. Choose your ‘boys’. If someone hurts you it should be simple to give him a similar ‘compliment’. There is always something what is not perfect so you don’t need to be very creative making things up.
Don’t take me wrong. I don’t encourage people to be nasty. However, this would make that person to think twice before commenting on others. Though it looks not nice it perhaps will help to save many vulnerable souls.
We both (men and women) make stupid comments on many occasions. It makes both genders feel insecure.
I wish all women thought I was extremely beautiful. It doesn’t work that way. It again comes to preferences. Let’s just ignore the ones who are not in our realms.
And let’s feel beautiful and confident. This way you will radiate even more beauty, love and sexual attraction around you.
Look at one of the controversial things we men say: you mentioned ‘plastic boobs’...
Many men criticize and make fun out of it. At the same time they crave for same. It is just a need to have a subject to talk about. It is similar to news. They can talk and publish articles about crap and feed us with it – endlessly.
What is the remedy? Disregard. Be Happy. You will be!
Thank you again for sharing. I hope things will return to normal.
I agree that Labioplasty can often be done out of obsessive perfectionism - very small deviations from an ideal being magnified out of all proportion.
On the other hand, there are some extremely large labia which are clearly going to cause physical discomfort for the woman in many circumstances.
In between these extremes is a grey area.
I've been out with girls with both kinds, and have to say when it comes to oral sex the small delicate kind just feel and look so much better. I tried oral sex with a girl whose labia minora were like pork steaks, and it just isn't at all pleasant - the texture is very different and not at all erotic.
I was pleased I didn't finish with the girl for that reason (rather, because she was a bit crazy) , but am definitely happier now to be with a girl with a beautifully made vulva. I know many male friends who feel the same way.
Let's take another example, though - noses, If someone had surgery to turn a large, bulbous nose into a well shaped one, would you question it?
I had a friend who had a nose like the North face of the Eiger who then had the excess (Roman nose) bit taken off, and he definitely looked better and felt so much more confident with the ladies.
I sometimes feel when I see someone with a really large unattractive nose "Either you're scared of surgery, or you're deliberately making a statement". It seems odd to me that people would sacrifice a lot of romantic success to make a statement - because it doesn't keep you warm at night.
It's not entirely fair to blame porn for creating the "perfect vagina" image, as I've seen plenty of sites which have women with both kinds of labia. I think it's more like the old saying "once you've tried the finest wine, then ordinary wine tastes like vinegar".
I also think it's for this same reason that shaven and trimmed vulvas are becoming popular - because it's simply a lot nicer that a load of coarse shaggy hair over those intimate, sensual parts. Once you've seen how nice they can look, the natural messy look seems coarse to many people.
Before criticizing any of this, you should ask yourself two questions
1. If I could have designed my body from scratch, would I have it like this?
2. With the differences between my ideal and the actual - how much does it really bother me?
